


Self-Reliant

by curiouscorvid (prometheanTactician)



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Bickering, M/M, body dumping, kind of, rogues getting along, this is really silly honestly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-11
Updated: 2017-11-11
Packaged: 2019-01-31 22:16:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12691260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prometheanTactician/pseuds/curiouscorvid
Summary: “What, you’re just… doing it yourself?” Edward couldn’t help but laugh. “Good God, Jonathan, I know times have been tough but if you needed some muscle-”“I have my own damn gang, Edward.” Crane snapped, bristling a bit at the laughter. “I just didn’t bring ‘em tonight.”





	Self-Reliant

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know why I did this, but I had fun and I love the rogues interacting with each other. ♥

The docks were utterly abandoned when Edward got there. The air was still and heavy with the muggy humidity of summer near the ocean. He made a note not to stay long, lest it ruin his hair. He watched passively as his henchmen opened the back of the van, pulling out bodybags filled with the most recent failed contestants in his latest deathtrap. Or, what was left of them anyway. He lit a cigarette and leaned against the van, listening as his henchmen grunted with the effort of lugging around human bodies.

He saw the headlights approaching just has he heard the sound of tires on pavement. He was alarmed for a moment, thinking it might have been the Batmobile, but when the headlights switched off and he could see the silhouette of the vehicle more clearly, he recognized it immediately. Jonathan Crane stepped out from the driver's seat, most of his costume on but his mask left in the truck. He’d been up to no good. Edward smiled, his heart swelling with fondness.

He left his henchmen to their work, cane in one hand and cigarette in the other, as he approached the Scarecrow. He knew his men were glancing nervously at the taller man. They feared him. Most people feared him. But Edward had no need to, not that most people knew it. He exhaled slowly as he came to a stop before his fellow rogue, smoke slipping from his parted lips. It was a calculated movement. He saw Jonathan’s eyes linger on his mouth and couldn’t help but feel smug.

“Jonathan,” he greeted amiably. “How unexpected. What are you doing here?” He saw no henchmen with him. How odd.

“Much the same as you, I suppose.” Jonathan drawled almost lazily, sounding utterly bored with his evening. “Just takin’ out the trash, as it were.” That made Edward’s brow furrow.

“What, dumping bodies?” He clarified, but Jon just sighed in exasperation.

“Yes, Edward. Sweet Christ, subtlety is utterly wasted on you.” He sounded annoyed, but Edward knew him well enough to hear the fond undertone beneath his words. He was distracted though. Something didn’t add up.

“But you’re here alone.”

“How astute.”

“What, you’re just… doing it yourself?” Edward couldn’t help but laugh. “Good God, Jonathan, I know times have been tough but if you needed some muscle-”

“I have my own damn gang, Edward.” Crane snapped, bristling a bit at the laughter. “I just didn’t bring ‘em tonight.”

“So you went through all the trouble of becoming a famous, rich, feared villain… just to keep doing your own dirty work.” Edward dropped his cigarette, grinding it out with the heel of his obscenely expensive shoe.

“There is absolutely nothing wrong with a man doin’ his own work. Not that you’d know much about that.”

Now it was Edward’s turn to bristle.

“And what the hell is that supposed to mean?!”

“It means, Nygma, that you’re _lazy_. You spend most of your significant brainpower coming up with ways to avoid any sort of physical exertion.”

“That is not- I’m not being lazy! This is more efficient! It would take so much longer-”

“Oh please, you just can’t be assed with-”

“ _Do not talk to me like a child, Jonathan-_ ”

“ _Well if you’re gonna act like a damn child-_ ”

They were getting in each others faces, both scowling when they were interrupted. Lights fell upon them, making them jump away from each other and squint against the light. A van pulled up beside Edwards, much the same in size and shape, but split down the middle with two different colors. The henchmen that poured out of the vehicle were dressed with a similar duality, and they were already unloading body bags when Two-Face leisurely stepped out of the car, flipping his coin as he approached the other two villains. He seemed utterly unconcerned by the aura of hostility.

“Trouble in paradise?” He rasped once he was close enough, a clear mocking edge to his voice.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Edward snapped as Jonathan simply turned away, heading around to the bed of his truck. Harvey just raised an eyebrow at the tone he was met with.

“Same as you.” He jerked his head towards Edward’s men, still dutifully carrying out their work despite the disruptions. They both watched as Jonathan dragged a body from the truck bed and slung it over his shoulder, carrying it to the water. Edward watched on in irritation, but Two-Face just seemed baffled.

“Is… Crane dumping his own bodies?” The incredulity in his voice made Edward feel oh so validated.

“Yes! Yes, he is!” He all but yelled, gesturing wildly with the hand not clutching his cane.

“What, is he broke?”

“Apparently not!”

“But then why-”

“I don’t fucking know!”

A speeding convertible pulled into the area loudly, skidding to a stop. The wild laughter continued even after the car turned off, and two women stepped out from the only two seats.

“Okay, there is no way you’re carrying bodies in that thing.” Edward pointed out as Ivy and Harley approached.

“And deny my babies of a most effective fertilizer? Of course not.” Ivy scoffed.

“We’re just out for a nice drive!” Harley explained with a smile. “We didn’t know you all would be here.”

“Well, we are. So leave.” Harvey growled, shooting a glare at Ivy poisonous enough to give even her a run for her money.

“Oh, well now we _have_ to stay.” Ivy replied with a thin smile. Harvey just growled, but attention was pulled away as Jon took another body from the truck, slung it over his shoulder, and brought it over to the water. The two women watched on in confusion.

“Is he-” Harley started, concerned.

“Yes.” Edward replied through gritted teeth.

“But doing it himself-”

“Yes.”

“Is he broke?” Ivy laughed, cutting off Harley’s worry.

“Apparently not.” Edward sighed harshly as Jon returned to the truck. “Just stubborn.”

“There is nothing wrong,” Jon turned on them, eyes blazing and another corpse on his shoulder. “With a man, or woman,” He nodded to Harley and Ivy in polite greeting before continuing to yell in his frustration. “Doing their own damn work!”

“I can think of a few things.” Ivy muttered, as Harvey simply pulled out his cigarettes.

“Oooh, can I bum one?” Harley asked, chipper now that she knew Jon apparently wasn’t broke. Harvey just held out the pack for her, seemingly unbothered, until Ivy spoke up.

“What, no coin-flip?”

“For what? Heads, we give her a smoke, tails we blow her head off?” Harvey seethed, taking one for himself and lighting it. He took a long drag before continuing. “It’s a cigarette. We don’t give a fuck. Besides, Harley’s alright.” He admitted with a shrug.

“Aww, that’s so sweet!” Harley cooed.

“Don’t let it go to your head.” Harvey muttered as everyone continued to stare at Crane. Jonathan stopped on his fourth trip back, glaring at them.

“How long’re y’all plannin’ to gawk at me like a bunch of damn fools?” He snapped. His accent always got thicker when he was pissed off. Edward felt a sense of satisfaction at his frustration.

“Until it stops being ridiculous.” Edward supplied, earning himself a hateful glare before Jon threw another body over his shoulder and stalked off again.

“Someone’s getting the couch tonight.” Harvey chuckled, low and raspy. Edward just scowled.

“Yeah. Him.” He hissed, crossing his arms.

“Uh, boss?” One of his men approached cautiously, glancing at the other rogues. “We’re done here.”

“Good.” Edward huffed, immediately heading back to his van. “Let’s get out of here.” He grumbled.

“Well goodbye to you too!” Ivy shouted after him.

“See ya, Eddie!” Harley added after.

“If you end up killin’ Crane tonight,” Harvey called with a mocking amusement in his tone. “Be sure to dump his body yourself. It’s what he would’ve wanted.”

“Oh, fuck off!” Edward couldn’t help but smirk at Jonathan’s outburst, climbing back into his van.

He’d go home, make himself some hot chocolate and try to calm down. He’d deal with Jon later, when the other man got home. Harvey was right. Someone was definitely getting exiled to the couch.


End file.
